Bush signs accord on dissidence

President Bush today challenged the Chinese Government on its policies against dissidents. Speaking at the Great Hall of the People on the edge of Tiananmen Square, Bush asked the Chinese President, Hu Jintao, to benchmark Chinese response to political detractors against his own.

Spurred by the challenge, the Chinese President called for an immediate head to head comparison between the responses of the two presidency to political challenges. The results which was compiled and delivered to the Chinese president by his aide, showed China lagging far behind US.

Chinese President thanked the aide who delivered the results, and said that the two leaders sought an outcome of "mutual benefit and win-win results". Bush immediately chided Jintao for showing grace towards the aide, Bush said "Dude, you need to fire any aide who does not project you as the "best leader he ever worked with".

Bush has experience in silencing well meaning critics of his administration, and hopes to learn from the Chinese administration on ways to deal with peaceful demonstration.

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US scampers to regain lost ground

Pentagon announced today that USA it is taking all possible measures to reclaim the title of world's worst offender of human rights.

Since last week US' dominance in spreading misery across the Muslim world came under question, when Al Qaeda had Jordan bombed, and earlier this week, when the news about Iraqi security forces' abuse scandal came into light.

As part of the initiative, Pentagon admitted to using white phosphorus in Fallujah - and beyond. It also announced that it is torturing prisoners in secret prisons across eastern Europe.

"About time" said Ben Chisholm a system software analyst at Meryl lynch, "The last thing we need is for world to think of us as some soft nation trying to spread democracy and peace".

Some Republicans, including Barlen Spacter, R-Pennsylvania, have criticized the Bush administration's handling of the issue.

"The Bush administration must understand that each American has a dream, that of America as the center of human right abuses. Allowing the title to slip away is a serious lapse that the GOP has to answer to its constituents."

Vice President Dick Cheney sought to clam the nation. Addressing the nation from his secret bunker secure location, the Vice President wanted to say something, but his speech was not audible over the roar of oil refining machinery. Spokesman for the Vice President later said that the administration was working hard to rectify the situation.

The President however jumped the gun by announcing that America has regained the title. Standing in front of a large Nike sweatshop in China, and on top of a few Chinese children, Bush announced "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!".

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Fox cans President Bush

In a move that will likely spell the end of political career for
President Bush, the Fox network said on Friday it is going to pull
reporting of all events related to the President from its schedule for
the rest of the season.

Fox plans to air russian porn in place of news relating to the President through the end of the season when networks go all-out to boost their ratings.

A network spokesman said the President will return to the news slots
next season, but the show's future beyond that had not been decided.

Insiders at the network said it was doubtful that President will return
to the news sections unless there is another terrorist attack on the country. "It probably does spell the end of Bush's presidency" one source told Reuters.

The Presidency, starring George W Bush as the President of United States is struggling to manage current affairs of the country without accurate and untainted CIA reports and a huge disability of not having an actual brain, was amusing for Americans at the beginning but patience is wearing thin. However the President has an ardent follower in the form of big oil companies and defense contractors.

Bush's approval rating have been sinking the past few seasons, and is currently at his lowest since his new clips started appearing on Fox network. Bush also received his all-time worst marks in other
categories in the CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll. The categories were, romance, emotion and drama.

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Suicide bomber suspended for the season

Al Qaeda announced on Monday that the Iraqi woman in Jordanian custody has been suspended for four suicide missions and will not participate in any suicide missions this season.

Al Qaeda's second in command Ayman al-Zawahri announced the group's decision in a taped message.

"al-Rishawi has been suspended by the group for four suicide missions for confessing to Jordanian authorities, and she will not be returning for any suicide missions even after the conclusion of that suspension" al-Zawahri said.

The latest action comes after al-Rishawi controversially confessed on Jordanian television about her involvement in the recent bomb attacks at 3 American owned hotels in Amman.

During the televised confession, al-Rishawi stood up to display the belt that she had planned to use in the attack. Al Qaeda claims that such display without detonating the bomb was against the group's policies, and also showed the group in bad light.

al-Rishawi, who was married to her agent, Hussein Ali al-Shamari, was previously banned for five missions for failing to show up at the boot camp to train for the bombing missions. However her agent-husband was able to strike a deal and reduce the ban to just three missions.

The Rev. Tesse Tackson called the Al Qaeda's punishment of al-Risawi "much to severe". The civil rights activist said the level of punishment could have been warranted if al-Risawi had been caught sleeping with the enemy, talking about peace, or caring for innocent civilians without sufficient cause.

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God settles lawsuit

Attorneys for God, on Friday said that He has agreed to settle a class-action lawsuit brought against Him by a group of Kansas residents for an undisclosed amount.

Earlier this month Kansas residents came to know that they had not evolved from monkeys, as was previously thought, but instead were created as part of intelligent design. Residents were furious that God did not disclose such material fact, and failed to recall various Human models which were not manufactured to the exacting standards as required by the Federal Human Administration.

One of the plaintiffs, Kay McFarland, said that he suffered mental anguish and public ridicule because of his obese body. "God discriminated against me, how can he manufacture a body like that of Brad Pitt while design me like this?". Another plaintiff, Carol Beier, concurred "Look at Britney, and look at me, ugh!"

Under the settlement agreement, God will not admit to any wrongdoing and neither Him nor the plaintiffs are allowed to disclose the deal with the media or any person not related with the lawsuit. However, source close to the deal, on the condition of anonymity, told the associated press that God would make the plaintiffs win lotteries or some rich people, without a heir, will inexplicably will their fortunes to the group.

Attorneys for God have filed a motion in the Kansas supreme court to reverse the school board's decision to include intelligent design in the schools syllabus, which resulted in the slew of lawsuits, however Judge Calito rejected the plea noting "Everybody should be accountable for their actions, reversal of the school board's decision will not hide the unconscionable actions of God". Attorneys for God have also filed for Bankruptcy protection as a precaution against further lawsuits, the hearing for that petition is set for later this month.

When contacted by this reporter for a quote for the story, publicist for God said that God wishes to put this distraction of a lawsuit behind Him and concentrate on the daily functioning of the Universe.

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Rove caught cheating in White House ethics class

Ok, I am catching this bug on fake news thingy, I hope some day I can be as good and witty as some of these.

Just days after President George W. Bush ordered the White House staff to take what was called a “refresher” course on ethics, his top aide Karl Rove was caught cheating during the first pop quiz given in the course, the White House confirmed today.

The punch line was a beauty:

But according to the same source, the cheating incident raises an even more perplexing question: “If you were trying to get a good grade in ethics, why would you copy off Cheney’s paper?”

(via J-walkblog)

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Google Mods

I mean lots of people are into this, they are using the Google Maps' XML interface and developing very cool "after-market" products. This is one such site that overlays both the map and the satellite imagery. Yeah, yeah, Google does that too (an probably better), but I am impressed by the creative ways people are using Google Maps.

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Death to Bunny. [PG13]

I would not recommend children hopping over to this site. Dont know why I did, and I really dont know why I am posting it here either. Maybe I have some hidden sadistic tendencies, need to ask my shrink when I meet him next. Or maybe I will send this link to my shrink so that he can psychoanalyze the bunny!


Legal Discalimer: I dont really have a shrink!

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Doc Visit

I had hoped that this blog will live longer than my previous atempts, and it did! 2 people (or maybe one bot and one person) chose to leave comments. The first one was clearly a spam, forcing me to take drastic measures and install "word verification". Then I got one more, my first thought was that this was another spam. The comment said: "love ur site, we seem to have remarkably similar views". Yeah! right, I thought (I still do).

Anyways, I visited her site and found that she is a doctor with a humour bone. Her posts are reflection of her life as a doctor. I like the way she relates the "doctor jokes" with her real life. It is good to know that doctors take a fun approach in their profession, than just laughing their way to the bank at your expense (literally)!. This is one doctor I will visit often (and not because she is, well she!).

And no, I still dont think we have "remarkably similar views".

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Jordanians react..

Three terror bombings in Jordan killing scores of people have sparked furious protests against al Qaeda. Jordanians flooded Amman blaring car horns and waving Budweiser coupons entitling them to a free bottle of Budweiser.

"Oh my God, oh my God. Is it possible that Arabs are killing Arabs, Muslims killing Muslims? Isn't that the job of the US and it allies?" wailed 31-year-old Najah Muasher, a daily wage worker, who lost her lover in the bombing. "I always thought that killing innocent Muslims as war collaterals was the privileged domain of western powers, I can totally dig that, but I cant for love of all that is good understand how a Islamic fundamentalist think of killing us for supporting Christian domination?" said Mausher. When CNN television crews interviewed her, she ended up saying "This is not Islam, Islam does not teach this, it is terrorism" and collected 100 dollars as reward for saying those words on camera.

Hundreds of angry Jordanians rallied, shouting, "Burn in hell, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi!" after Donald Trump fired Zarqawi for failing as a project manager in a task that involved killing the most Muslims. In the board room meeting, Trump said Zarqawi did a horrible job and lost miserably to US Army in killing the most Muslims. Trump ended saying "Zarqawi, you just don’t get it, you are fired"

In Washington, President Bush showed his displeasure during his weekly press briefing, "This is unacceptable, first we lose our high tech jobs to engineers in India, and now we are losing our edge in killing Muslims across the world to these terrorists, this is just unacceptable". President Bush warned the Jordanian Prime minister against awarding the reconstruction permit to anybody other than Halliburton. He said, "In these times of the need for reconstruction, you either award the contract to Halliburton, or you are with the terrorists". Jordan, a close ally of Washington, immediately passed an ordinance banning all construction companies other than Halliburton.

The mood of many Muslims was best summed by 12-year-old Abu Akhras, who lost his father. "My father always wanted to die in a friendly fire incident, or a smart bomb dropped on a marriage party by a trigger happy F-16 pilot, these terrorists have put an end to that dream. I hope that I will someday be able to fulfill my father's dream by dying the way he wanted - in the hands of American imperialism"

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News, TOI Style...

Paris in ruins

Heiress Paris Hilton defied death today when the Bentley she was traveling was involved in a major accident with a commercial truck. Paris was leaving a popular nightclub to attend a party at a nightclub at other end of the town.

Paris' pet dog, Bambi, who was with Paris during the accident had to be airlifted to local pet spa to recover the shock of the accident. Officials say the pet went into traumatic shock when Paris spilled her Pepsi on the dog. Officials at the spa say the dog is in critical condition, but is expected to recover.

Reporters on the scene said Paris was putting on a brave front and seemed unconcerned about herself, but was very emotional about her car. Paris was heard saying "Look at my car, my poor poor car, it had to go through such an ordeal, look at the scratch on the hood!. Oh My God!, Oh My God, who will want to ride my car now? Please somebody call a plastic surgeon. Please please!!". Paris also said that her car was very brave and courageous as it did not think of its own safety while deploying perfumed aircushions and streamers as the car was being lightly scratched and dented during the "accident".

The who is who of Hollywood party circles were calling on Paris to offer their condolences. Glen Stefani in a message, on a lavender scented letterhead, to the associated press said that she was close to Bambi, and said she will pray for Bambi to get well soon. She said, while she did not meet the Bentley, she was sure it was a very good car, and wished it a full recovery.

Publicist for Nicole Richie, Paris' estranged friend, announced to the waiting reporters that Nicole was devastated at her ex-friend's moment of grief. The publicist announced that Nicole plans to host a big pool party for Paris and get back together for Simple Life, The Trauma.

Also on Page 3:
Fashion gaffe by first responders to Paris Hilton's crash site
Find out what Paris ordered at the nightclub

Tomorrow:
Interview with Bambi on its ordeal
Expert analysis of dents and scratches on celebrity vehicles


Meanwhile the staff at TOI wishes -- grudgingly -- to report that Paris, the city, is burning for past 5 days due to revolts by crazy and boring youth.

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Dead President and the Brain dead media

I understand that the Indian media is dumbing down news items in order to be palatable to its readers and garner higher subscriptions or Ad revenues as is the case for the online editions. I am not against it since media is a business too - and every business yearns for a healthy balance sheet. But every business has a charter too, whether you like it or not, that of the fourth estate is to present news to the public. While at the topic they also have to give sufficient weightage to more important news, and that is my problem with the media outlets today, they are more concerned with balance sheets rather than their charter. I am no business man nor am I trained in business, but I sure believe that for a business, while profits are necessary for survival, a charter is equally important. Because a charter is what defines you to your customers.

Today, when we have lost one of our Ex-Presidents, Mr. K R Narayanan, what is that I see on the front page of TOI and Indian Express ?? "Yuvraj and Kaif lead India to victory" screams both news portals. Links to the demise of Mr. Narayanan are hardly visible if at all they are present. Western media for all its trashy content, will at least honor the demised public figure by giving top placement and a good length article chronicling the person's life. I think that the ethos of Indian media is long dead, I will no longer visit either of the two mentioned sites unless they have something substantial to offer. Meanwhile, I will rather go to Google India News for my daily dose of news, than to read about not so important issues on the so called premier Indian news sites, something tells me that I am not alone.

So today, while we mourn the demise of the former President, we should also observe a moment of silence for the now dead journalistic ethics.

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Spicy news reports... naa, not that kind!

Tired of boring news reports? Well, Aparna spices it up by presenting it in a humourous limerick. She is away for the next few days, so I commented on that with my own limerick.


Wow! News in limerick
the idea is so chic
but the day I come to see
You probably away at sea
this bookmark I will again click


Probably not funny, but my first attempt at a limerick...

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Intelligent Design

Students in Kansas got one step closer to discovering the origins of life. The Kansas school board voted today to approve new science standards that are derived from relics such as the Old Testament ™, the Ten Commandments ® and the quintessential Bible ©. Given the leadership of Democrats, or the lack thereof, political commentators concurred that it will be a long time before America can be delivered from the religious fanatics that have a stranglehold on Whitehouse. The board belives that the new science curriculum will help students gain top posts in the Republican administration. As part of a detailed review of the subject matter the board suggested that alongside nuclear (nu-ku-lar) physics, students be taught how to throw bolts of lightening upon thy enemies.

In unrelated news, JudgeCardinal Roberts sentenced Scooter Libby to 10 Hail Mary's for his involvement in the CIA lead scandal.

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Old-age homes for Softwares

I, a software engineer, can attest to a fact that sometimes a newer version of software is not always well received. At times I would like to get the older version of the software, but mostly they would not longer be available for distribution. Wouldn't it be nice to get the older versions, "becausenewerverionsisnotalwaysbetter"

Sometimes upgrading to a newer version can be a good thing. Other times, your computer may not be compatible with the new version, the new version is bloated, or all the good options are no longer available.
...
...
Lastly, there is a need to archive cultural artifacts. If software is allowed to disappear into the past, a piece of our history will be lost. People must be have access to this data in order to understand the direction the computer industry and civilization as a whole is heading.


There you have it, Oldversion.com is trying to be the digital historian, or is it?? There are many sites which "crack" passwords which are not always "crackable" in the newer versions. As they say, every coin has two sides...

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Geography Quiz

Think you are good with European geography? Take a quiz here

I flunked bad, very bad, so I went here for a quick lesson.

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First post..

Hmm... so I am starting (yet again) a blog. My past attempts at blogging has had the lifespan of a gastrotrich, I am hoping that my current attempt at least matches the life span of a house fly.


Wish me luck..

R&D!

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