US scampers to regain lost ground

Pentagon announced today that USA it is taking all possible measures to reclaim the title of world's worst offender of human rights.

Since last week US' dominance in spreading misery across the Muslim world came under question, when Al Qaeda had Jordan bombed, and earlier this week, when the news about Iraqi security forces' abuse scandal came into light.

As part of the initiative, Pentagon admitted to using white phosphorus in Fallujah - and beyond. It also announced that it is torturing prisoners in secret prisons across eastern Europe.

"About time" said Ben Chisholm a system software analyst at Meryl lynch, "The last thing we need is for world to think of us as some soft nation trying to spread democracy and peace".

Some Republicans, including Barlen Spacter, R-Pennsylvania, have criticized the Bush administration's handling of the issue.

"The Bush administration must understand that each American has a dream, that of America as the center of human right abuses. Allowing the title to slip away is a serious lapse that the GOP has to answer to its constituents."

Vice President Dick Cheney sought to clam the nation. Addressing the nation from his secret bunker secure location, the Vice President wanted to say something, but his speech was not audible over the roar of oil refining machinery. Spokesman for the Vice President later said that the administration was working hard to rectify the situation.

The President however jumped the gun by announcing that America has regained the title. Standing in front of a large Nike sweatshop in China, and on top of a few Chinese children, Bush announced "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!".