News, TOI Style...

Paris in ruins

Heiress Paris Hilton defied death today when the Bentley she was traveling was involved in a major accident with a commercial truck. Paris was leaving a popular nightclub to attend a party at a nightclub at other end of the town.

Paris' pet dog, Bambi, who was with Paris during the accident had to be airlifted to local pet spa to recover the shock of the accident. Officials say the pet went into traumatic shock when Paris spilled her Pepsi on the dog. Officials at the spa say the dog is in critical condition, but is expected to recover.

Reporters on the scene said Paris was putting on a brave front and seemed unconcerned about herself, but was very emotional about her car. Paris was heard saying "Look at my car, my poor poor car, it had to go through such an ordeal, look at the scratch on the hood!. Oh My God!, Oh My God, who will want to ride my car now? Please somebody call a plastic surgeon. Please please!!". Paris also said that her car was very brave and courageous as it did not think of its own safety while deploying perfumed aircushions and streamers as the car was being lightly scratched and dented during the "accident".

The who is who of Hollywood party circles were calling on Paris to offer their condolences. Glen Stefani in a message, on a lavender scented letterhead, to the associated press said that she was close to Bambi, and said she will pray for Bambi to get well soon. She said, while she did not meet the Bentley, she was sure it was a very good car, and wished it a full recovery.

Publicist for Nicole Richie, Paris' estranged friend, announced to the waiting reporters that Nicole was devastated at her ex-friend's moment of grief. The publicist announced that Nicole plans to host a big pool party for Paris and get back together for Simple Life, The Trauma.

Also on Page 3:
Fashion gaffe by first responders to Paris Hilton's crash site
Find out what Paris ordered at the nightclub

Tomorrow:
Interview with Bambi on its ordeal
Expert analysis of dents and scratches on celebrity vehicles


Meanwhile the staff at TOI wishes -- grudgingly -- to report that Paris, the city, is burning for past 5 days due to revolts by crazy and boring youth.