Humans banned into passenger cabins

The British and US governments today revised a ban on carrying hand baggage, and liquid items on board, by adding 'Humans' to the list of items that can't be carried on board.

Announcing the government advisory, issued jointly by the two governments, spokesman for DHS announced that after a careful review of all terror plots, its been determined that almost every terror plot involved one active ingredient, "Humans". "Therefore, we are banning all humans from being carried on board the flight".

The advisory however stated that prescription human beings and infants will be allowed but only after a passenger accompanying them tastes them before boarding.

The latest advisory resulted in long lines of frustrated passengers at the check in counters. Airport officials were seen explaining the new advisory, and confiscating humans to dump them into overflowing garbage bins. The airport officials said that unlike confiscated nail clippers and pocket knives that were auctioned off, humans will be incinerated for safety and hygienic reasons.

Airline companies announced that they are working on a screening technique that will allow for humans to be transported in the luggage hold. However for the safety of the passengers, all humans will be tightly taped with security tape to prevent tampering and identify pre-screened humans.