Airlines to replace seatbelts with shackles

Close on the heels of announcing that 'no mobile' signs will replace the outdated 'no smoking' signs, major airlines today announced that seat belts is on the way out in favor of leg irons and handcuffs.

Northwest Airlines will be the first to introduce the changes. Spokesperson for the Northwest said that the changes were being implemented after a recent incident involving some passengers showing "behaviour of concern".

Handcuffs and leg irons will be retrofitted to old aircraft and fitted to new Boeing planes coming off the production lines, which will be used by the airlines to provide in-flight "self-security" service to the passengers.

Use of seat belts have now become outdated in US since almost every American, owing to obesity, fits snugly in small seats of the plane.

"At anytime during the flight, passengers can shackle people they feel uncomfortable about, like Arab speaking passengers. We like to go back to the basics of western culture, that is, the white supremacy promoted by KKK. If a white man does not like the dark skinned traveller in seat K12, he can, with the help of the air marshals, tag the person as a terrorist and shackle them to the seats", a spokesperson for Northwest told the reporters.

However, not all airlines are planning to introduce the new service. Spokesman for Monarch Airlines, the leader in "self security service" told reporters that the company will not use the new method. "We will rely on the time tested method, we will offload any passenger that the white man does not like on the plane". Asked if the old method would lead to lower sales because unlike shackles, booting passengers can only be done on ground, the spokesman said that "We are not restricted to booting on ground, if a passenger so demands it, we can boot Arabs in mid-air". Monarch airlines also has a widely poplular Control your plane service in addition to the arab-boot service.

Shackles are only available on Boeing aircraft, but Airbus is expected to follow suit following a recent trend in scare-mongering by British government agencies.